As a poker addict myself I have come accross many MANY stupid comments on poker tables, from idiots trying to make arguments over a $0.05 loss to donks trying to coach the much more experienced players. Here are some of my Fav::

High Stakes Poker Series 4 episode 14
Jamie Gold and Sammy Fahra were involved in a big pot, Sammy was ahead with AA against Golds KK. Every knew exactly what Gold had including Sammy but he refused to raise the river. Later on Doyle Brunson Comments:
“I don’t know, are you sleeping with him or what?”

This one is more disturbing then funny. This was his reaction after being called 'son' by another players:
A2345Hrts: I'm not your son. this should be apparent to you because you have never had sex with me

Someone doesn't quite grasp the concept of a bad beat
PokerStars Game #14298015626: Hold'em No Limit ($0.02/$0.05) - 2008/01/03 - 16:30:00 (ET)
Table 'Kepler' 6-max Seat #3 is the button
Seat 1: Josepha06 ($1.33 in chips)
Seat 2: Sally Magoo ($5.26 in chips)
Seat 3: 6R1CH1ER1CH9 ($3.08 in chips)
Seat 4: MailmanMel ($10 in chips)
Seat 5: GoRiLLaH ($2.42 in chips)
Seat 6: poiznr ($11.07 in chips)
MailmanMel: posts small blind $0.02
GoRiLLaH: posts big blind $0.05
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Sally Magoo [Ac Ah]
poiznr: folds
Josepha06: calls $0.05
Sally Magoo: raises $0.20 to $0.25
6R1CH1ER1CH9: folds
MailmanMel: calls $0.23
GoRiLLaH: folds
Josepha06: folds
*** FLOP *** [2h 4h 7s]
MailmanMel: bets $0.30
Sally Magoo: raises $0.60 to $0.90
MailmanMel: calls $0.60
*** TURN *** [2h 4h 7s] [4d]
MailmanMel: checks
Sally Magoo: bets $1.75
MailmanMel: calls $1.75
*** RIVER *** [2h 4h 7s 4d] [4c]
MailmanMel: bets $4.50
Sally Magoo: calls $2.36 and is all-in
*** SHOW DOWN ***
MailmanMel: shows [Ts Th] (a full house, Fours full of Tens)
Sally Magoo: shows [Ac Ah] (a full house, Fours full of Aces)
Sally Magoo collected $10.12 from pot
MailmanMel said, "SICK bad beat"

And someone doesn't quite understand the concept of hand values!!
Dealer: Crackw2 shows [ Td, Jd ] Straight,
Jack high
Dealer: Jasonfgf shows [5c 4c] Straight,
nine hight
Dealer: Crackw2 wins $17.75 with Straight, Seven high
Jasonfgf: WTF I had a longer straight!!
Crackw2: Idiiot.

Great convo with Ivey and a very F****d up Mattusow!
Mike Matusow: Y MR I GOT MONEY SO U TALK COME
PLAY ME 500 1K O8 SEEHO WGOOD U ARE
Phil Ivey: speak english
Mike Matusow: ALWAY GOT TO RUN MOUTH WITH YHOUR
MONEY
Phil Ivey: play what
Mike Matusow: I GOT LOT OF MONEY LETS PLAY HIGHER
BLAH BLAH
Mike Matusow: 500 1K O 8
Phil Ivey: when your asking to borrow every other week you
shouldn't talk
Mike Matusow: AFTER I BEAT U FOR 50 ILLPLAY U 1K2K
Mike Matusow: THEN WEN CAN PLAY 2K4K
Mike Matusow: THEN 4K 8K
Mike Matusow: TILL I BUST U
Phil Ivey: just shut up and play
Mike Matusow: TAKE A WEEK
Mike Matusow: HEY PHILLY
Mike Matusow: I LOVE U
Mike Matusow: I JSUT WISH =HED PLAY HERE EVERYDAY
Mike Matusow: ALLI WISH
Mike Matusow: PHILLY I LOVE U
Mike Matusow: IUI CAN TYPE IM JSUT LIEING ON MY BED
SIDEWASYS TRYING TOO
Phil Ivey: I am at the omaha table genius
Phil Ivey: sit down

Mike Matusow: 5 DRAW NP
Mike Matusow: SUCH A FISH
Mike Matusow: ALWASY TRYING TO BLUFF
Dealer: John Juanda wins the pot ($200)
Dealer: Hand #890186320
Mike Matusow: WHEN SHOE FALLS OUT ILL BE THER TO
PK UP YOUR PIECES
Phil Ivey: lets play some omaha
Mike Matusow: ONLY CAUSE I LOVE3 U
Phil Ivey: mike
Mike Matusow: IM SITITNG
Phil Ivey: one game is boring
Mike Matusow: CAN T PLAY 1K2K
Mike Matusow: LOAND ALLMY MONEY OUT
Mike Matusow: SIT
Mike Matusow: IM WIATING FOR U FISHCAKE
Phil Ivey: I am at the omaha game
Mike Matusow: 5001K
Phil Ivey: that's the down the street game
Mike Matusow: I LOANED ALLMY MONEY OUT TO ERIK123
Mike Matusow: COME SIT IF I BEAT U FOR 30 ILLPLAY
HIGHER
Mike Matusow: IF I LOE 40 ILL FKIGN B SICK
Phil Ivey: got dinner at 8pm
Dealer: Gus Hansen has 15 seconds left to act
Phil Ivey: gotta leave 730
Phil Ivey: I am in nyc
Mike Matusow: I GOT WEDDING AT 5
Dealer: Gus Hansen wins the pot ($6,298)
Dealer: Hand #890192794
Mike Matusow: SIT FISH U SCARE DTO PLAY ME LITTLYES
TY GOD
Mike Matusow: TYTYTYTYT
Dealer: John Juanda wins the pot ($1,498)
Dealer: Hand #890195274
Mike Matusow: NOWTHAT IVEYS ON HERE IMIGHT MAKE
10MILLION BY THE END OF YR
Phil Ivey: lol
Mike Matusow: LOL
Phil Ivey: you might mike but you'll be broke by feb
John Juanda: he talks too when u is doesnt have chips
Mike Matusow: Y BUT THEN ILLBORROW IT BACK FROM U
Mike Matusow: LOL
John Juanda: but it ll be like, "can i borrow 5k?"
Mike Matusow: SUCH A FISH
Mike Matusow: ALWASY TRYING TO BLUFF
Mike Matusow: WHEN SHOE FALLS OUT ILL BE THER TO
PK UP YOUR PIECES
Phil Ivey: lets play some omaha
Mike Matusow: ONLY CAUSE I LOVE3 U
Phil Ivey: mike
Mike Matusow: IM SITITNG
Phil Ivey: one game is boring
Mike Matusow: CAN T PLAY 1K2K
Mike Matusow: LOAND ALLMY MONEY OUT
Mike Matusow: SIT
Mike Matusow: IM WIATING FOR U FISHCAKE
Phil Ivey: I am at the omaha game
Mike Matusow: 5001K
Phil Ivey: that's the down the street game
Mike Matusow: I LOANED ALLMY MONEY OUT TO ERIK123
Mike Matusow: COME SIT IF I BEAT U FOR 30 ILLPLAY
HIGHER
Mike Matusow: IF I LOE 40 ILL FKIGN B SICK
Mike Matusow: SIT FISH U SCARE DTO PLAY ME LITTLYES
TY GOD

Mike Matusow: nothing better then getting someone that play
4k8k into a 500 1k game so juciy
Dealer: Phil Ivey shows a pair of Queens, for high
Dealer: Phil Ivey shows 7,4,3,2,A, for low
Dealer: Phil Ivey wins the high pot ($3,499.50) with a pair of
Queens
Dealer: Phil Ivey wins the low pot ($3,499.50) with 7,4,3,2,A
Dealer: Hand #890250241
Mike Matusow: yoyoy
Dealer: Phil Ivey has 15 seconds left to act
Mike Matusow: and iveys a guppy
Dealer: Phil Ivey has 15 seconds left to act
Dealer: Mike Matusow shows a straight, Five high, for high
Dealer: Mike Matusow shows 5,4,3,2,A, for low
Mike Matusow: yes im the shork
Dealer: 10lb bass shows two pair, Kings and Jacks, for high
Dealer: Mike Matusow wins the high pot ($4,749.50) with a
straight, Five high
Dealer: Mike Matusow wins the low pot ($4,749.50) with
5,4,3,2,A
Mike Matusow: shark

IM WIATING FOR U FISHCAKE
Possibly the greatest line in poker history??

The amount of players I see get confused when the game changes in H.O.R.S.E is amazing
Sparta: oh shit
Dealer: bren911 has 15 seconds left to act
Sparta: I just realized we were playing razz
Sparta: haha
Dealer: smuggler302 has 15 seconds left to act
Sparta: maybe I should be sober next time I play razz haha

Jayzoon: WTF, I had a full house
Jayzoon: How the fuck did I loose?
Gty122: Razz?
Jayzoon: *CENSORED* this game

While playing $2/$4 NL on FTP, I had 4 kings against his Full house
Victim: WTF, that never happens offline!!
Hero: What?
Victim: You never get fucking quads offline! site is such a scam